Craptanisty Land

Friday, September 29, 2006

Please Head My Plea

Lindsey, Paris, and Ashley, Please hear me when I say "expand your man whore pool."

Mandy More and Hillary Duff were guilty of this about a year ago but they both wised up and got themselves some steady dorks

Lately you all have been taking dips in the Willmar, Paris S. And Carter brother pools. This had led to too too many public disputes fighting over these lame man whores.

I not only fear for your reputations as upstanding young ladies but I fear for your health. Since the dating pool in which you take dip from is scaringly small I fear a vicious strain of an STD or STI could take you all out in a single night of partying.

Please head my warning before the world loses your beauty and talent before you turn 30.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Cocaine is such an 80's drink

Just heard this...
The latest beverage to break from the pack is the Cocaine Energy Drink, created by Redux Beverages of Las Vegas. So far sold mostly in New York and California clubs, it will become available online, according to its Web site.

I don't know where to start with this one. It's an obvious publicity stunt. But it's working (their website already crashed over the weekend).

The drink does not contain any cocaine but they state on their website...No, we don't advocate drug use. What you do with your drink is completely up to you!

Also they refer to their suppliers as "dealers". Just had to share

Friday, September 22, 2006

Happy Meal Musings

McDonalds Responds to the Happy Meal Hummer

McDonalds has caught a lot of flack lately because of the infamous toy Hummers included in their happy meals for kids. They've also caught a lot of defense from people who don't really see what the big deal is - it's just a toy truck after all. The problem, of course, is that the Hummer has become something of an international symbol of bad taste and touching it with so much as a ten foot poll is bound to rile people up, whether justified or not.

Bob Langert's excellent McDonalds CSR blog offers a response today, saying that he feels the promotion does not, in fact, reflect McDonald's commitment to envrironmental responsibility, which is not quite the same thing as saying it was a bad idea. But either way, I think it's great that McDonald's official blog can offer an honest response.

Well that's all fine and dandy but check out Mrs. Puddles respone to the Happy Meal Hummer

Also I've been on the soapbox alot about McDonalds offering "boy" and "girl" toys. Why is it their policy to ask when you order a happy meal "do you want a boy or a girl toy?" Can't they ask "do you want the doll or the car?"

I checked their blog but there is no post on this issue. I recommend you check out their blog. It's a cool idea. I learned from this blog that Eric Schlosser has a new book called "Something to Chew On."

I used to take a stand and when they would ask if I wanted a boy or girl toy I would say "I want the ... (Hummer)." However this was often met with undue confussion from the employee. I didn't feel like chewing them out for the sexist gender standards they are promoting because they are just the poor scmuck behind the counter.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

An Intervention for Mrs. Puddles??

Even though she is almost 11 years old Mrs. Puddles is always down for scraping. This has left her with a few unsightly disfigurements. Most noticable a tear in her left ear.

Recently she has found a new arch nemesis.

Anytime time Puddles sees this cat in our yard she tricks us into letting her out and then a good ol' cat fight ensues.

Most recently Puddles escapades have resulted in the loss of two of her toenails. This will also result in a visit to the vet (they got infected) and an unwanted bill for the Stewart household.

I was recently kicking around the idea of holding an Intervention because she seems to be "addicted" to fighting. I know this because she continues to fight despite adverse consequences. This is a true sign of an addict. So does anyone want in on the Intervention?? And do you know of any 12-step programs for cats.

Pirate Family on Wife Swap

Last night for the season opening of Wife Swap a professional organizer swaped with a Pirate family. Here is the Pirate's family bio.
Baur Family

Tori "Mad Sally" Baur (42), her husband, "Ol' Chumbucket" John (51), and their three children, Cate (16), Millie (13), Max (6), and dog Shiloh are a modern day pirate family from Oregon.

John and his best friend and business partner, Mark (aka Cap'n Slappy), are the authors of "Pirattitude" and founders of "International Talk Like a Pirate Day," celebrated all over the world on September 19. Chaos and creativity rule the Baur house, and the kids are encouraged to speak their minds. Tori stacks dirty dishes in the oven instead of cleaning them, and dirty laundry piles up around the house. The bill collector is over so often that John considers him a friend.

John and Tori are unconventional and embrace the chaos of the pirate lifestyle. Millie and Max embrace it as well, but quiet Cate prefers to stay in her room with comic books, and she's often left out of the swashbuckling.

Yes! This is the guy who started talk like a pirate day! Argggh!!!
Needless to say the house is swimming with scurvey, fleas and rumm. The deck has not been swabbed in many a year.

Okay and here is the poor family they swaped with.

Fine Family

Lisa Fine (36) and husband Craig (40) lead a life of organized perfection in California. Floor to ceiling bins line the Fine home and everything in their lives is labeled.

The kids, Ashley (13) and Brandon (10), are the perfect cheerleader daughter and football playing son. Picture-perfect Ashley is a miniature version of her mom, obsessively organizing her friends' rooms and making sure that her mother's "systems" are being utilized throughout the house. She says she has to remind herself that she's just a kid, not a professional organizer.

Brandon wishes he had a little more chaos in his life. After he builds something out of blocks, he has to take it apart and put the blocks away in individual bins by color. Craig says that Lisa is a perfectionist and keeping up with her is tough.

Needless to say it was a classic episode of Wife Swap

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Where did the love go?

It finally happened Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston (aka Tyrone and Tyrita Biggums) have legally separated. Whitney is reportedly filling for divorce. All I can say is...What took so long? And What was the size of the crack rock that tore them apart?.

Finally I'm able to give you that rock you've always wanted and we can get high for --- HOURS

The real tragedy here is poor Bobbie Kristina Brown, the couple's 13 year old daughter. The tragedy is not her parents immanent divorce but her god-awfull name and her having these two crack-heads as parents.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

User Photo Vote

I'm new to this Blog thing and I'm trying to decide on which picture to use for my offical user photo. So I'm asking all of you to vote. Okay so here are the nominees
#1 Sucker Cove

# 2 Heather & Monticore

# 3 Heather & The Fab Four

# 4 Heather & Brad

# 5 Heather & Hugh

# 6 Big Heather

# 7 Sad Heather

# 8 Heather in Vegas

# 9 Heather in her car

# 10 This Guy

Friday, September 08, 2006

Emo Pants Banned at Hoover High School?

I have recently become fascinated by the Emo pants trend. I found a great site called Urban Dictionary that gives a few notable definitions on what Emo pants are.

Here is a particularly good definition.

A style of jeans usually worn by emo boys. They are skin tight, occasionally distressed, and found in the girls department of most stores. Worn with converse all stars, black and white specs, and a black tshirt, they complete the classic emo look.

Emoguy 1: Check out my new jeans!
Emoguy 2: Dude, those are the best emo pants.
Emoguy 1: yEah, I saw Taking Back Sunday with 'em on.
Emogirlfriend: Hey, are those my pants?!

So now that we are on the same page. I was told today by a co-worker that her son attends Hoover High. He is a fan of the Emo look. She was told the principal had recently outlawed Emo pants. She stated that the principal was banning guys from wearing girls pants.

Here is the link to Hoover's dress code if you want to check it out. Http://www. I checked but I can't find any mention of banning these pants. I'm curious how they would word the ban. Are they going to ban tight pants? They already have rules agianst saggy pants. Or are they really going to ban guys wearing girl pant?

While I find the Emo pant trend silly I can't support a school determining what gender of pants one can wear.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Dr. Doolittle and Scary Spice

I just heard about the oddest and latest Celebrity pairing. It seems that Eddie Murphy and Mel B. a.k.a. Scary Spice have been dating for 3 months. Not only that but they have moved in together and reportedly tattooed each others names on their bodies. The gossip rags say that marriage is soon and the proposed name is Scareddie Spurphy. Poor Eddie he just can't resist these Mama-Zons (like Amazons but Mannly.)

In other news Mr. Eko was arrested =(