Craptanisty Land

Podcasts I love

2010-05-14T10:30:00.001-07:00

I spend a lot of time at work typing report and often find that listening to something makes the work more enjoyable. Recently I've found several Podcast on itunes that I really have enjoyed listening too and forward to each new episode because I've already listened to all the old ones. So I thought I would share of my favorites with you. First we will start with my favorite Audio Podcast.

Stuff you Should Know

I love this podcast. It's produced by How Stuff Works.Episodes include: How do Lego's work, Do Zombie's Relay Exists and How do Lobotomies work? Even if the topic does sound thrilling Chuck and Josh make every topic entertaining. New episodes come out twice a week and they are generally 30 minutes in length and are a fun mix of knowledge and humor

Stuff Mom Never Told You

Also from the the How Stuff Works. This is a feminist (in the original sense of the word) podcast and so interesting. This week they ask Are there Feminist Role models in Children's Lit. I was so excited because they brought up my favorite Ramona Quimby. It's a great podcast for all genders.

Stuff you Missed in History Class

Again if you like the other How Stuff Works podcast you'll enjoy this one as well. I especially enjoyed their series on the Medici's.

This American Life

Just so you don't think I only listen to How Stuff Works Podcast I live for the weekly Episode of This American Life produced by NPR and staring Ira Glass.

Next come my favorite video podcast.....

Are you sure about that????

2010-05-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

So this afternoon I received the following mass email from one of my co-workers

POLICE ALERT - PLEASE READ AND PASS ON....

I'm passing this along! People are R E A L L Y crazy! If you are female, take heed! If you are male and have a significant female in your life who you care about, whether it's your wife, your girlfriend, your daughter, your sister, your niece, your cousin, your next door neighbor; whomever...............pass this along! Always, "Better safe than sorry!"

Police Warning (Send to Everyone)

PLEASE READ THIS AND FORWARD IT TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW.

There sure are some sicko people out there --

A man came over and offered his services as a painter to a female putting gas in her car and left his card. She said no, but accepted his card out of kindness and got in the car. The man then got into a car driven by another gentleman. As the lady left the service station, she saw the men following her out of the station at the same time.. Almost immediately, she started to feel dizzy and could not catch her breath. She tried to open the window and realized that the odor was on her hand; the same hand which accepted the card from the gentleman at the gas station.

She then noticed the men were immediately behind her and she felt she needed to do something at that moment. She drove into the first driveway and began to honk her horn repeatedly to ask for help.. The men drove away but the lady still felt pretty bad for several minutes after she could finally catch her breath. Apparently, there was a substance on the card that could have seriously injured her.

This drug is called 'BURUNDANGA' and it is used by people who wish to incapacitate a victim in order to steal from or take advantage of them.

This drug is four times dangerous than the date rape drug and is transferable on simple cards. So take heed and make sure you don't accept cards at any given time you are alone or from someone on the streets. This applies to those making house calls and slipping you a card when they offer their services.

PLEASE SEND THIS E-MAIL ALERT TO EVERY FEMALE YOU KNOW!!!!

Sgt. Gregory L. Joyner
Internal Affairs Unit
Louisville Metro Department of Corrections
400 South 6th Street
Louisville , Ky 40202
Office: (502) 574-7213 (502) 574-7213 (502) 574-7213

Don't worry if you didn't read the full message. I didn't. I did what I usually do. I went to Snopes and looked it up. Of course it was tagged as Snopes as an Urban Ledgend. Being polite, I responded with a simple message to everyone "I think this maybe an Urban Ledgend" along with the article from Snopes.

I wasn't surprised to have received this email. I get them all the time and usually when I let people know about the Snopes article they something to the effect of "thanks" or "I guess I should have checked that out first." But today I was surprise by the multiple responses that I received. They all basically said the same thing but here are a couple

Urban legend or not, it is a good idea to always be on
alert!

Really? do you mean it's always good to be on the alert for people handing out business card laced with a non-existent chemical, or do you mean it's always good to be on alert for fear-monger emails and pass them on without checking. Cleary my intent by sending the Snopes link was not to chastise the person who sent the email for being on the look out but it was a subtle reminder to check your facts before you spread fear or erroneous information and also an attempt to let the other people notified that this is not a real concern.

Narcissist of the Week 11/06/09

2009-11-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

For the five of you who read my blog, I apologize for my extended break in acknowledging the actions of those who continually achieve excellence in narcissism. I've been battling and cold and trying to juggle my professional life and my blogging and general communication skills have suffered. I even made a half-ass post a couple of weeks ago award to David Miscavige the CEO of the Church of Scientology for dressing his dog up like an official church officer and making others salute him but couldn't get around to editing it in time. So just save yourselves sometime and check out the Martin Bashir interview on Nightline a couple weeks ago.The week before that I wanted to award the London 2012 Olympics logo for being so lame and so deaf to criticism.Last week I wanted to give the award to Tyra Banks for having some of the Models on ANTM take pictures in black face make up.

But what's done is done and this is a new week, So congratulations to the 53% of voters in Maine who decided that you want to take away the right of other consenting adults to marry. Do you think your win has stopped same sex people from being in loving committed monogamous relationships? Do you think this stops them from having sex or being gay? Do you think this strengthens your hetero marriages or stops children from learning about the LGTBQ lifestyle?

This is a very Narcissistic move on your part. Honestly I don't give a rat's ass about 99.99% percent of the people in this country who get married. If a drunk 20 year old pop star wants to get married in Las Vegas to her childhood friend, who cares? It doesn't affect me or change my view of marriage. The only marriages I care about are the marriages of those people I know and love. The rest of them "ca sara" it's not my place.

Until I can get them on Facebook

2009-11-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

Narcissist of the Week 10/16/09

2009-10-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

Congratulations little kid, who the world thought was in a helium weather balloon, but really was hiding in the attic under a cardboard box the whole time. Your narcissism did not go unnoticed by me. While the whole nation worried about you safety and even presumed you dead at one point you just hid in your box because presumably you didn't want to get in trouble. But hey your 6 and your so supposed to be rather narcissistic at this age. So what is Tyra's excuse.

PS: Just heard this whole thing might have been planned by the family so maybe the whole Heene family will be Narcissists of the week

Narcissist of the Week 10/09/09

2009-10-08T21:09:00.000-07:00

This week I am the Narcissist of the Week. I have had too much to do this week to give the award to anyone else. So this week it's all about me. Oh and please don't be offended by the picture. I just thought it was so fun I wanted to share.

Live Review of Man Shops Globe

2009-10-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

Man shops Globe. I thought it would be an 30 minute long commerical for Anthropologie and I was just fine with this since I heart them. Sad news he doesn't buy the clothes he just buys the found items that they use for their stores to display items. Surprise surprise he shops at european flea markets.

Narcissist of the Week 10/2/09

2009-10-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

This week it was a tough battle for the prize between two well known world leaders during the UN General Assembly. I don't know what is responsible for the Narcissism these two possess. Are they Narcissist because they are world leaders? Is it because they are suspected financiers of international terrorism? Or is it the other way around? Either way Ahmadinejad and Gaddafi your addresses to the UN General Assembly made my head spin. Now I have to give some props toAhmadinejad for his valiant effort. His continued denial of the Holocaust is mind blowing. But overall Gaddafi displayed the Narcissism that one would expect only to come from the love child of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kanye West.

So here's to you Col Gaddafi for delivering a 96 minute a sustained rant against the UN Security Council. Not only did exhaust your translator causing him to "tag in" a colleague to relieve him but you also manage to tackle such a wide breadth of topics as swine flu, US invasion of Grenada and jet lag but you also suggested the UN security council be re-named the Council of Terror. So Bravo Col Gaddafi this is a well deserved prize.

Narcisist of the Week 9/25/09

2009-09-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

This was kind of a slow week for the Narcissists. They have either gone to therapy or been keepin it on the down low. So today I honor one of my favorite Narcissists of all time Miss Oprah Winfery.

I honor her this week basically because I could find anyone else. She didn't really do anything Narcissistic this week but she did do something and she is a Narcissist so here goes.

This week Oprah turned a corner in her life and had Jay-Z on her program. For me this is confusing because 3 years ago Ice Cube was very public in his feelings o being snubbed by Oprah.

I've been involved in three projects pitched to her, but I've never been asked
to participate. For Barbershop, she had Cedric the Entertainer and Eve on, but I
wasn't invited. Maybe she's got a problem with hip-hop. ... She's had damn
rapists, child molesters and lying authors on her show. And if I'm not a
rags-to-riches story for her, who is?"

He seems to suggest that she has something against Rappers. People's suspicions were furthered when she invited the full cast of Crash on her show with the exception of Ludacris. Later Oprah addressed these suspicions by saying

I am a woman who has worked very hard for my status in the world and as a human
being. I don’t want to be marginalized by music or any form of art. I’m not
opposed to rap. I’m opposed to being marginalized as a woman

So what happend Oprah? Are you no longer opposed to being marginalized as a woman? Are you not familiar with Jay-Z's work? Oh wait I know. You are a total Narcisist and the rules (even the ones you impose) don't apply to you.

Narcissist of the week 9/18/09

2009-09-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

Okay everyone knows that Kanye West is the real Narcissist of this week but I didn't want to re-hash the story that everyone is talking about. So instead I give you the first, of what is sure to be many, Narcissist of the week award to Lindsey Lohan.

I guess it's Fashion Week in New York and since Lindsey hasn't been working much lately she has been taking in the shows. So what is a Narcissist to do when they show up to a fashion show and don't like the seating arrangement? You re-arrange the seating cards yourself! Duh!

I mean the event producers obviously need her help in arranging the seating. And what does a Narcissist do when she comes across the card of another celeb or model she doesn't like? Throw the card on the floor, of course! And what do you say when staffers ask you not to touch the cards. You say, "don't f***ing touch me."

All I can say is bravo Lindsey you are a true Narcissist. Can't wait to hand out more awards to you in the future.

Narcissist of the Week 9/11/09

2009-09-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

This is a new feature on my blog that might encourage me to post with more regularity. You see at least once a week there is someone that surprises, shocks and leaves me flabbergasted with their outright narcissism. So rather than be a hater ,I might as well award them. So this weeks winner and the 1st ever recipient of the Craptanisty Land Narcissist of the Week award is..... CHARLIE SHEEN! (Dumm, Dumm, Dumm)

Why have I bestowed such an honor on you? Is it because I just found out that you are a Truther? Is it because you made a very public request for 20 minutes of our Presidents time to discuss the 9/11 conspiracy?

No you get this honor because not only are you a Truther and not only did you request 20 minutes with the President but that you also published transcripts of make-believe interview with the President where you not only include your questions posed Obama but you included his response!!! According to Mr. Sheen he has researched Mr. Obama's previous speeches and interviews so he was able to determine how the president would respond

Just read some of these excerpts from the imaginary interview ( I've italicized some really Narcissy comments)

PBO – And I appreciate that Charlie. Big fan of the show, by the way.

CS – Sir, I can’t imagine when you might find the time to actually watch my show given the measure of what you inherited.

PBO – I have it Tivo’d on Air Force One. Nice break from the traveling press corps. (He glances at his watch) not to be abrupt or to rush you, but you have 19 minutes left.

After this President Obama is so impressed by the persuasive powers of Mr. Sheen that he asks him to "brief" him on the 911 situation, followed by

PBO – Well Charlie I can’t say this hasn’t been interesting. As I said earlier you’ve showed up today focused and organized. Regardless how I feel about the material you’ve presented, I must commend your dedication and zeal. However, our time here is up.

Charlie ends this by noting What you have just read didn’t actually happen… yet.
Groan!!!! Also Mr. Sheen why did you make our President speak with such poor grammar. I mean really double negatives. Even I know better than that.

The Buffalo Grass Project

2009-08-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

If you have been reading my blog you may have read that about a month ago I attempted to plant grass in our front yard and it was a complete failure. Almost serendipitously through my failure I stumbled on to a local nursery's website and learned about Buffalo Grass. Unlike other grass (even Bermuda) Buffalo Grass only requires watering once weekly. The particular variety I was interested in was specifically developed for California by some UC scientist. And best of all according to my calculations it would only cost 42 dollars to cover the front yard. It seemed to be the perfect grass for me and I was very excited about putting it in our yard. So to prepare for planting the grass Ed killed our front lawn. Unfortunately I realized that I miscalculated. I thought my lawn was only 100 square feet and it turns out it is 1100 square feet so I was looking at about 500 dollars to cover the front yard. So those are the events that spurred on the Buffalo Grass Project. You see I thought it would take me forever to save 500 dollars plus come across a weekend where it would be cool enough to want to work outside all day. Plus I'm on a time limit. I need to plant the grass before October. So I decided why not install 100 square feet at a time. This means probably every couple of weeks I could invest 50 bucks and a couple hours of labor into my lawn and come October it would be complete. So today is the first day of the buffalo project. I bought the grass yesterday from Takao Nursey and they have been so helpful during this process. They gave me a little installation booklet and said to call them if I have any problems. Ed and I went to the store today and got some Miracle Grow and Weed Control. Next Ed spray painted on the lawn where the plugs would go. Then he drilled holes for the plugs and finally I filled the holes with the plugs. And here is the finished project. It should take approximately 30 days for the plugs to fill in. Hopefully we will be able to keep them alive and prevent the weeds and other grasses from taking over.

Mrs. Puddles Keeping Cool

2009-07-30T12:53:00.001-07:00

So it seems that even Mrs. Puddles as snooty and uppity as she is, is taking my advice on how to keep cool. I think it might have been an experiment in curiosity at first but it's now a regular habit. The other day when I laid the cooling pads on my bed and then covered them with a towel Puddles came over and sat down on them while I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. Ever since then she has been hooked on the cooling pads and will run to follow me when I take them out of the freezer. I'm glad that she is staying cool but it looks like I will need to invest in some more ice packs because she doesn't share very well.

Monti's Tips for the Heat

2009-07-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

So it is like the 20th day in a row that the temp is near or over 100 degrees. I don't know why but I have a hard time regularity my body temperature so I am often Hot or Cold which lead to irritability and since I don't have a proper Air Conditioner I thought I would share some tips with you on some ways to keep cool in this heat. Now bear in mind I'm not going to mention things like drinking water or staying out of the heat because this seems like common sense. Here is my list of a few things that really work but you might not of thought of.

Keep your lotion and other like products in the fridge. This is a great tip because everyone has dry skin in the summer and smoothing cold lotion on the skin is really refreshing. Also try using lotion with peppermint or spearmint oil in it.
Turn your fan into an air conditioner. Just put a gallon jug of water in the freezer over night and once it is frozen place it on stool in front of a circular fan. You can also try putting frozen water jugs inside your swamp cooler if you have easy access to it. I used to do this at our old apartment.
Take a bath. This is one of my go to moves. Make sure the water is lukewarm rather then cold so you don't shock your system. After you get used to the temperature you can let out some of the water and then add some colder water. During the hottest time of the day you can often find me taking a cool bath playing solitaire or reading a book.
Make use of cold packs. I have a collection of athletic cold packs that I keep in the freezer. If I need to cool off I place several of these on my bed or couch, cover with a towel and then lie down. This really makes things comfortable especially if you are trying to sleep to beat the midday heat. If you think about it, it is very similar to what animals do in the wild only I would rather not lie in cool dirt.

Well I hope this helps and please feel free to share your tips.

It seems strange to me that....

2009-07-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

It seems strange to me that old people are never in a hurry. I mean they don't have much time left. If I were old I wouldn't re-park my Buick 15 times to make sure it was completely centered and parallel to the parking spot.

Happy Birthday Forrest and Robin

2009-07-06T12:38:00.001-07:00

You had your cake....

and you ate it too!

Buffalo Grass Update

2009-07-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I am still really excited about Buffalo Grass so I called Takao Nursery today to ask some questions. It turns out it's not too late to plant Buffalo Grass (good through August). Also I asked and it is much more drought resistant than Bermuda Grass. One of the best things is that the planting is really cheap and low maintenance For the size of my lawn it would cost approximately 42 dollars for plugs. The prep work is really minimal. They recommended that I use a herbicide to kill all the Bermuda a weeds and then plant the plugs 1/8 of inch into the ground and cover lightly with dirt. They actually recommended that I didn't disturb the soil by aerating or rototilling because it would activate other seeds (probably what happened with my last attempt). After the plugs are planted they recommended that I only water them 1 time a day as opposed to the 3-4 times that the Bermuda recommends. Once the plants are secure (30 days) I only have to water once or twice a week and not at all during the winter. I still need to talk to the big guy about this but it sounds really practical.

I want this

2009-07-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

So as I was lamenting my recent misadventure in gardening I was pondering just going to a nursery and buying some grass that was reading for planting. So I stumbled on to what looks to be an awesome nursery in town called Takao Nursery and they are promoting Buffalo Grass (check out their blog for more info). Anyway it uses 75% less water (then fescue grass I assume) and it looks pretty cool. According to the website the particular version of Buffalo grass they sell was created by UC Riverside and Davis. They claim that in the Central Valley it only has to be watered once a week and that it only grows to a length of 4-6 inches so you could chose not to mow it. It has the same drawn backs as other drought tolerant grass (it's dormant during the winter) but I would like to be the cool kid on the block with some hipster grass that isn't you run of the mill Bermuda. So I think I will check this out and find out what the cost of some plants are. More to come....

Misadventures in Gardening

2009-06-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

So about 2 weeks ago I attempt to patch our front lawn with some fresh Bermuda grass. I spent a few hours preparing the soil, spreading the seeds and covering it with topsoil. Like a child I tended to it daily with care. This included watering it multiple times during the day, worrying about it and reading up on whatever tips I could find. Last week I noticed little seedlings and I was so excited. Today I'm not so sure.

You see this is what Bermuda seedlings should look like.

This is what the seedlings in my yard look like

This what the seedlings of a common weed that is in my yard looks like
What I don't get is why are these seedlings just coming up in the exact spots that I sprinkled Bermuda seeds. Well as long as my yard looks like crap I will give it a few more weeks and see what comes of my experiment.

The Real Blogger's of Fresno

2009-06-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

If you have been in my Blog circle the past few months you may have noticed that their have been a few incidents of Blog Drama on Ed's blog. It gave me idea for the Swede Festival there should be a Swede entitled the Real Blogger's of Fresno. It of course would be based on Bravo's Real Housewive's series. Ed of course would be pegged as the Inconnect Instigator (why do instigators always claim to be so inconnect?) of course The Fresnan and Gustov would be the fire-pokers (you know the ones who keep the drama going and bring up old drama) and then Mike Oz would be the peace maker. Any ideas? Any Takers?

What a Waste

2009-05-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

In an effort to save money someone at my job spent alot of time making two huge posters letting us know how much office supplies cost.

My response:
9x12 envelope...9.3 cents,
6x9 envelopes...5.4 cents,
time spent making poster....WASTED

Happy Earth Day!

2009-04-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

Just a quick Happy Earth Day message. This year I will be celebrating Earth Day by switching out the Styrofoam cups at work for paper. What will you do?

Happy Birthday Puddles

2009-04-07T11:35:00.001-07:00

Today she turns 13! That's like 68 in human years. So she is like a Baby Boomer. Well I'm not exactly sure when her birthday is but I got her towards the beginning of June 13 years ago and they said she was 6 weeks old so I just decided we have the same birthday. She has been a good friend all these years. Here's to the hope of many more birthdays together.

J Crew = Affordable? In what universe

2009-04-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

I was watching CBS news last night and they made big mention of Michelle Obama at the G20 summit "and that she and she wore affordable clothes from the brand J. Crew throughout her husband's election campaign." According to CBS news this is what affordable looks like

It's a little hard to see but the total price tag is approximately $340.00 Obtainable yes. Affordable? I'm not sure unless maybe your husband is the president and make 200,000 dollars a year. No please don't miss my point. I am by no way trashing Michelle for her commitment to stick to a budget and buy clothes that are modest by most public figures standards. My gripe is with CBS news for being, let's say, "out of touch" with what is affordable for most of us.

Maybe Tyra is Right?

2009-03-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

So for years Tyra Banks has been telling me for years via America's Next Top Model that being a model is hard and is more than just having a pretty face. Well I was watching the Real Housewives of New York (I know it's a tangent just follow along) and I was curious to find out what these ladies do for a living so I did a little internet trolling. Come to find one of the ladies runs religious jewelry internet store front and (wait for it) she models the jewelry. I just had to post the pictures because she really seems to be the worst choice for a model. I mean sure she is attractive but in her eyes I see a combination of crazy and scared. Oh and did I mention her range of expressions. Well just take a look for yourself.

Neat But Expensive

2009-03-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Coast to Coast Am Live last night (no big surprise) when I heard about a new light bulb that could last up to 10 years. It looks pretty cool too. What's the draw back you ask? Only the 120$ price tag. I highly doubt that even if I replaced my regular LED light bulb every 3 months that I would ever recoup the investment from this purchase. None the less still cool.

Something I can get behind

2009-03-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

With the recent state of the economy I'm sure we are all reminded that most of us are one or two paychecks away from being homeless. I have been drawn to news stories about modern day Hoovervilles taking root but today I heard of the EDAR project and this is something I could really get behind. EDAR stands for Everyone Deserves a Roof. It started as a dare so to speak for someone to invent something "better than the cardboard box". What they got a really cool housing idea. Here is a 3 min video that the LA Times did on it. One EDAR cost approximately 500 dollars but you can make a smaller donation of say $50.00 and put the wheels on one of these babies. I'm thankful to see innovation like this and that it's for the benefit of those that our society tends to throw away.

Lost According to Jay and Monticore

2009-02-20T19:34:00.000-08:00

So via text message Jay and I having been discussing Lost. Big spoiler alert Jay is rooting for the "jocks" and I'm rooting for the "nerds". This has been the basis of us deciding what everyone on Lost lettered in High School. Be sure to add your own.

Kate: Cross Country

Jin: Wrestling

Jack:Golf

Hurley: Football

Faraday: Chess

Sun: Tennis

Charlie: Band

Open Letter to Unwelcome Editor

2009-02-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Ed,
Thank you for reading my blog posts. I apologize that they are full of so many errors that you feel the need to sign on to my dashboard and edit my posts rather than commenting. You're efforts were not appreciated. PS: You are banned from this blog until you learn to control your urges. If my grammar is so atrocious that you can't help but hack into my blog then please don't read it.

My First Brush with a Telemarketing Scam

2009-02-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

Approximately every six weeks a news story reports how some poor elderly couple was scammed out of thousands of dollars by a slick telemarketing scam. I don't know about the rest of you but I have always felt deprived because I have never been targeted for one of these scams. Well, yesterday everything changed when I received a call at work. I answered the phone, "Hello this is Monticore, how may I help you?" On the other line I hear silence and then just as I'm about to hang up hear in an easy to place foreign accent "Hello Heather you have been randomly selected to receive a US Government Grant for 10,000 Dollars. How are you going to spend the money?" I answered, "I did not apply for any grant. How did you get my information." Again the voice replies "I know this call must sound strange but I assure you that you have been chosen at random to receive this money from the US government," then explain that I would be happy to review the information at my leisure if they would mail me the offer. "Okay ma'am I just need to verify your address." She then reads off my old address and I reluctantly give out my current address. Then the voice asks, "Okay all I need now is your social security number, but only the last 4 digits so that I may verify your account and then you will receive the 10,000 dollar check in 3 business days.

Now at this point I am of course a little bit excited about the possibility of receiving 10,0000 dollars but there is no way in hell that I'm going to give out more personal information over the phone. So I immediately tell the voice that I am not comfortable giving this information out over the phone but I will review the information that they will send to me. The voice then asks me to call her back immediately with my information so that she can send my money to me. She tells me her phone number, grant account number and then has me read it back to her. Then she tells me her name is Shannon Smith. That's when I know there is no way this is true because there is no way this woman's name is Shannon Smith.

As soon as I get off the phone I google US Government Grants Scam and quickly find tons of hits about this scam. According to the Federal Trade Commission eventually you are asked to either pay a one time processing fee of 300 dollars or give your bank account information to this company. Bottom line the government never gives out 10,000 dollars randomly to people. So I quickly filled out a formal complaint with the trade commission and I felt so relieved I did not give out further information.

Right now I am actually hoping that Shannon Smith calls me back so I can call her out for the phoney she is and let them know that I called the Fed's on her ass.

Worst Food of 2009

2009-01-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

So Men's Fitness just came out with their list of the 20 worst foods of 2009. Scrolling down the list I find it hard to believe that it is even possible to make this food. Take the Baskin Robins Large Chocolate Oreo Shake. How do you cram 135 grams of fat into this. It baffles the mind. Currently I am trying to keep my meals to between 12 to 15 grams of fat. So by my calculations it would take me three days of regular meals to equal the fat intake of one shake that probably only takes two minutes to finish.

In other over-eaters news local police were called to the Golden Corral to break up a fight because they ran out of steak.

Another Rick for Lulu

2009-01-15T13:51:00.001-08:00

Just checked out Lulu's blog and felt I needed to share another "Rick" video with all.

Gottshalks goes under

2009-01-14T18:38:00.000-08:00

Okay Fresnarians get out your hankies. The staple of Fresno's fashion and design savvy Gottschalks department store declared bankruptcy. In all honesty aside from the human impact and jobs loss, there will be no love loss here in Craptanisty Land. As a child Gottschalks really was the most upscale store Fresno had. They were the only store to carry the more expensive "bourgie" brands like Esprit or Guess. Unfortunately all they carried was watered downed crap that they attempted to pass off as "Central Valley Fashion". You know what I'm talking about. Compound-esq floral dresses with that stupid barrette in back to give the hint of a waist line. I sure if I could speak to their merchandise buyer they would tell me that the Gottschalks customer does not want stuffy New York or L A style fashions instead they like something a little more laid back and less flashy. So in closing thank you Gottschalks for giving the Central Valley absolutely thoughtless fashion and for clothing What Not to Wear candidate for over 4 decades. You must be proud.

Bad Weekend for Pirates

2009-01-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

Congratulations pirates for hijacking a Saudi oil tanker and receiving an 3 million ransom. Unfortunately you made too hasty of a get away this weekend which resulted in not only the drowning of 5 pirates but also the loss of your treasure.

Bad Days Bad Faces

2008-12-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

Just a quick look into my psyche. There are some days that I look in the mirror and think wow I look great with images of Audrey Hepburn or Winona Ryder swirling in my brain. Then there are days (or weeks) when I look in the mirror and I think Urgh! I so look like Romana Quimby. Today is one of those days.

Dancing Dice Riff Raff

2008-11-25T21:28:00.000-08:00

Just messin' around today and I was able to make this little video featuring some of the members of the Dice Riff Raff. Enjoy.

She's not the only one

2008-11-25T21:10:00.001-08:00

So it appears that Lulu is not the only who thinks that Jude Law has been spoiled by his new mustache. Yesterday I found an article about "fallen dreamboats" (formerly good-looking celebrities) besides the usual suspects (Mickey Rourke, Jared Letto, Tom Cruise) Jude Law made the list. It appears that he was found guilty of sporting a "pornstache" So kudos to Lulu.

When Busey Attacks Vol. III

2008-11-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

Long time no post. Since it's been so long since I last posted I knew that my next post had to be of real significance. So what has brought me out of my blogging slumber? Why it's the host of slurring addicts on Celebrity Rehab, most notably Mr. Gary Busey.

Thanks to Joel McHale and The Soup I have been witness to the erratic behavior of Busey over the last few years. Check this out if you need a memory jog or this.

However tonight on Celebrity Rehab Busey really out did himself (however some credit needs to be given to the supporting cast of Steven Adler and Jeff Conway). Tonight Jeff Conway and Gary Busey got into a full blow fight for the front seat of the van as they were leaving their "art therapy"

Really this reminded me of an outing that one might take if you lived in group home for the developmentally disabled and their behavior was rather similar to those individuals.

Just take a gander if you wish. (My favorite part if when Steven Adler almost falls off the sofa)

VH1 TV Shows

Music Videos

Celebrity Photos

News & Gossip

The good news is that much later after Gary Busey then picks a fight with Sean Stewart and everyone calls him a psycho he offers his apologies to Jeff and closes with this proclamation of love: "My Love for you stops 5,000 miles past heaven. "

I am so addicted to this show. One hour is not enough. My only hope is that Gary, Steven and Jeff team up and start making movies and the new and improved 3 slurring, drug riddled, neurologically impaired Stooges.

Stores are Closing Just in Time for Christmas

2008-10-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

So today I heard the news: Mervyn's, Shoe Pavilion and Bed Bath and Beyond are all closing there stores. Now I'm sure some might take this as sad news (you know people out of work, another blow to our struggling economy etc). But to me all I can think is. that I sure hope my friends and family like towels, discount shoes, kitchen goods and off brand Levis because, I'm going to try to do all my Christmas shopping at Mervyn's, Shoe Pavilion and Bed Bath and Beyond.

Highlights from PA

2008-09-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well the trip to Pennsylvania was a success. Not only did Tim and Lauren have a lovely wedding but I managed to visit the Shoe House

Visit the Amish (I saw so many! But I didn't want to take a picture of them.)

And go to Three Mile Island

Oh I also got to go to the QVC outlet (only two in the country!). Thanks to Tim and Lauren for a wonderful time and big thanks to Ed for putting up with my crazy sight-seeing requests.

My Boys

2008-09-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

My Nephews are now officially cute. Look at these two. Robin has a little skin issue but they are still the cutest. But these pictures might give you the impression that they are all smiles and cuteness. However check out the other photo of them. Ah yes babies cry a lot. I nearly forgot.

Patriotic Pets

2008-09-04T19:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight while watching McCain I thought that Puddles needed to sport this new look
Or this one
She told me tonight she was going to vote for McCain but hey she can't read or vote so why not help spread the word.

I threw this one in for Sara to put on Sugar Booger

Comfort and Style

2008-08-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

It's official, yesterday after giving the title company most of our money, we were able to blow the final few cents on a new couch and chair. Below is a picture of the couch we got followed by the chair. They are both comfortable and stylish. I think I am more excited about the furniture than the house. For a moment I was worried that we wouldn't be able to get them or that someone else might get them first (don't worry Mellow you can still get the same couch) but now after sitting on them and ordering them I am so satisfied.

And the Losers Are...

2008-08-09T10:57:00.000-07:00

In the Category for the Worst Dressed Country at the Olympics. Hungary takes it for the women with the dress that makes everyone look like grandma.

And Russia takes home the gold for the men.

Talented Beckhams

2008-08-09T10:12:00.001-07:00

I was watching "The Soup" this weekend when I saw this little gem. Yal know I love seeing little kids dance. Take a peek, just fast forward to the last 30 secs

Am I just crazy?

2008-08-07T15:47:00.000-07:00

Am I just crazy or does anyone remember being told riddles like the following:

There is a room with a dead man and a glass of red water. What happened?
The duck broke the window and they all died. What happened?
There is a naked man in the middle of the field with a straw and he is dead. What happened?
There is a room with a dead man and 52 bicycles. What happened?
The record skipped and she died. What happened?
She turned on the radio and died. What happened?

Does anyone recognize these from their childhood and what the heck are they called?

Yard Sale on Saturday

2008-08-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm planning on having a yardsale on staturday from 5:00 am to when ever. I you have anything you like to add to my collection come on by. Or just come on by to drink some beers or mixed drinks. I have a pellet gun for my protection but I wish I had some maze. I 'll let you know how it goes.

Whoda Thunk It

2008-07-27T21:30:00.001-07:00

So I was cleaning out my purse today and I came across an insert from a box of cigerettes. It said "learn more about the fashion designer behind this pack design." Well I had to turn the page and who did I see.... San-friggin-tino Rice. He didn't win project runway season 2 but he stole our hearts with scenes like these

According to Santino " I enjoy creating music, illustrations, photography, playing with graphics. That sense of excitement and stimulation is what drew me to working with Camel to design this pack." Wow Sanitino that sounds a little to sensical to have come out of your mouth.

FYI while searching for some images to included in the post I came across many angry articles aimed at Camel for there clever marketing of this product. Here are some of my favorite mock-ups.

Thank You Lulu

2008-07-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend Lulu invited the gang up to her cabin at Shaver Lake. So thank you Lulu for letting us invade your family's cabin. As I sit here on my couch I have found memorizes of

When Adam took us on a wild Geocaching Chase and I fell into the creek.
The fun times at the Fire Pit.
All the Rum & Cokes
Crank Calling Carly in Pittsburgh at 2:00 a.m
Corin Hoggard making us breakfast

More Ideas

2008-07-25T23:59:00.001-07:00

It's getting closer. We are half-way into our 30 day escrow on our first home. I think I've pretty much made up my mind about the couch for the living room so my thoughts turn to paint. I would really like to paint it blue so here are a few ideas. I have my favorites but what are your thought. Of course Ed and I have the final say.

This first one is called Studio Green

This is cooler blue called Frank Blue. It's pretty bright.

And this one is Secure Blue. I don't know where they came up with this name. I didn't know colors had emotional qualities
This is Smokey Blue.

Sofa King

2008-07-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

I always said if we got our own place I was going to toss our old (seriously old) sofa out the window. Well I don't think I can through it out the window but I will be getting rid of it. But that leaves me with the problem of finding a new one. I've found a few that I like and of course I will have to test them out but I was wondering your thoughts. Please bear in mind these may not be the actually color but more the style. But I like some of these colors so let me know. Or if you totally detest my style feel free to tell me that too.

All I can say wow!

2008-07-18T21:15:00.000-07:00

Who is this? Want some hints? She's 62, an academy award winner and looks hotter than most of us ever will. It's Helen Mirren. Wow that's a crazy good bod at any age.

Comment FAIL

2008-07-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

So about a year and a half ago I ran a post entitled Hair Club for Cat's? Today Puddles received a solicitation via the comments box for hair restoration. Thank God she can't read. Thank God the solicitor did realize she is a cat. I don't know what recently came over puddles but the other day I caught her trying on various hair pieces. I think she is going with the "Trump Look"

Chase said...

I think that you discuss quite a common problem on your blog. People have already tried pills, lotions, drops, wigs, glue adhesives, toupee tape and clips, and everything of the kind. There is a very informative and useful site www.pissedconsumer.com, where I learned about this company. HairClub offers a wide range of treatment methods to ensure enough hair coverage.

4:16 AM

The Boys

2008-07-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of my nephews a week later. They look much cuter and I can see they are going to be trouble makers.

When in doubt improvise

2008-07-15T19:36:00.001-07:00

So I was listening to a Los Anglos News/Talk radio station today. They were covering the sentencing of the "Black Widow" murder case and they mentioned that one of the defendants showed up to court in curlers. It sounded hilarious so I had to see for myself. It took a little bit of time but I was able to locate a video that showed the defendant in rollers. Unfortunately I was hoping to see that old lady that is on the Shoebox Greeting Cards but this is what I saw.

It may be hard to see but one of the old ladies has what looks like barrettes in her hair (Can be seen at :04-:06). Upon closer examination these are in fact curlers (seem to be the variety that Carly wears). So instead of a hearty laugh I give her mad props. So what she didn't have any barrettes she didn't let that stop her. So aside from your hideous crimes, you go girl!

Science Bitches! (on loan from Adam)

2008-07-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

I heard this story today and it made me chuckle. I've been catching myself thinking about it and laughing all day.

A special meeting about Dallas County traffic tickets turned tense and bizarre this afternoon.

County commissioners were discussing problems with the central collections office that is used to process traffic ticket payments and handle other paperwork normally done by the JP Courts.

Commissioner Kenneth Mayfield, who is white, said it seemed that central collections "has become a black hole" because paperwork reportedly has become lost in the office.

and the following takes place.

Other county officials quickly interceded to break it up and get the meeting back on track. TV news cameras were rolling, after all.

Sweet Dreams

2008-07-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

So I have no idea why this happens but I often have crazy dreams. Maybe being crazy has something to do with it.

Last night was so crazy I had to share, so get ready for a look into my inner psyche.

I dreamed that Ed and I were visiting Jay and Becky. They lived in Condo-like place with a couple other people.

For some reason Jay set his neighbor's house on fire. It was poor old lady. As she was screaming that her house was on fire, Ed and Jay went speeding away in the Civic for some more mayhem. Where were they going? To kill the dad from 7th Heaven of course! I can't remember how they killed this guy but they did dismember him, put him in a plastic bag and stuff him in the trunk. Only problem is the trunk wouldn't close. But these guys seemed none too concerned about this even when the security guard at Jay's new place looked at the trunk suspiciously .

The next day we all went on an outing to find a barrel of acid to put the guy in. The dream gets too fuzzy to remember from there but it was pretty disturbing

Kinda Interested

2008-07-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

Any One Else?

MMM FAT

2008-07-11T23:10:00.000-07:00

As some of you may already know I've been trying to loose some unwanted pounds by sticking to a 1200 calorie a day diet and only allowing 12 fat grams per serving. This has been going on for approximately 3 weeks. The last few days I have been getting strong cravings for something fatty. I hear it is okay to cheat every once in a while on your diet so I decided today was the day.

But where should I splurge?? Should I get some crackers and a can of easy cheese? No, I might over do it and get a tummy ache. I finally decided on an IN-N-OUT grilled cheese with fries. It was about double my usual meal calories and fat intake but it was wonderful and sure hit the spot.

Thank you fat for tasting so good.

I'm an Aunt

2008-07-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

On Sunday my brother Eric and his wife Bridgette had twins. They look kinda gross now but I'm sure they will get cuter.

This is Forest he weighs 4 lbs

This is Robin he weighs 6lbs

Wrong!

2008-07-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you but it seems that the shampoo bottle came from parts unknown.

Amy Winehouse Lookin Good (per Fox News)

2008-06-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

So according to Fox News, the authorities in truthful media Amy Winehouse's recent performance at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday concert, showcases the singer looking better than ever. Per fox news

Looking tan and radiant, Amy Winehouse on Friday sang at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday concert in London in spite of health problems that have plagued her.

I guess I beg to differ but makes me feel good to know all you need to do to hide your massive drug problem is get a tan!
PS: You can also catch her signing Free Blakey will signing Free Nelson Mandela with the Soweto Choir. Classy!

Corey Haim molested by Michael Jackson?

2008-06-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

So tonight was the premier of The Two Coreys on A&E. I said I wasn't going to watch it but I couldn't help myself. Well it appears that the Coreys have not been getting along too well since we last left them. Corey Haim is back in Los Angeles and the two decide to "clear the air" so to speak at a Deli. Now make of their conversation what you will but I read between the lines that Michael Jackson might have been involved in this dispute. But don't take my word for it. (Reading Rainbow)

Haim: I'll call you one better, you let me get fucked around in my life, raped so to speak, when I was about 14 1/2 and I'm saying, by a guy you still hang around with and tell me (I'm 14) to take fucking responsibility.

Feldman: Shakes his head no

Haim: You know exactly what I'm talking about. What did you do man when you saw that shit going down? What did you do? You knew about it, besides being his best friend? What'd you do? What'd you do? Fuck all is what you did man.
Feldman: I believe I ...

Haim: lines of cocaine with me, god bless you.

Feldman: You, you wana talk about the truth? Okay well let's talk about the truth. I was being molested at the same time by somebody else what did you do? What did you do?

Haim: Talked to you about it.

Feldman: You talked to me about it!?

Haim: Yeah dude you told me, "yesterday while I was sleeping this happened to me, this happened to me." I'm like dude you weren't sleeping. I tired to talk to you about it.

Feldman: Yeah, were you sleeping?

Haim: I was awake Corey, I was very fuckin aware what was going on with me.

Feldman: Okay. Uhhh!

After this Corey Haim leaves the Deli. All I can do is wonder who molested this boy?? Hmm... let's see well I know he was Corey Feldman's best friend. I don't know what you think but I'm thinking the gloved one is to blame.

May was the month of love

2008-05-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

This month has gone by so fast and it seems that a ton of Celebrities have been twitter patted. So here is my quick congrats to the recent marriages and engagements that have taken me by surprise and made me catch my breath.

THE WEDDINGS:

Nick and Mariah you were the first and the most surprising. Nick, I gotta give you big props for recycling a ring from a previous relationship. Way to go getting married at 6 flags. How classy.

Oh Jessica too bad your low key relationship and wedding was over shadowed by the Wentz-Simpson debacle.Oh kids, you are so hard core rock-n-roll selling your photos to any magazine that will have you. I'm sure this marriage will last longer that Jessica's and Nick's
THE ENGAGEMENTS:

Yikes! I wonder where they are going to register? My guess is that they have their eyes on some nice hand blown art glass water pipes or some of the medicinal plants at the local weed co-op.
Way to go Catcher's Mitt. You show those people your still in the mood for love. I just hope you don't wait too long to have the wedding. I mean you are 71 I'm just being realistic.
Wow I didn't even know you guys knew each other. Well he seems like a better choice than Jared Leto but are you really ready to marry Van Wilder?

Old Fashion News I Forgot to Diss

2008-05-31T10:30:00.001-07:00

So last night I was out with the Dice Riff Raff having a few drinks and I started to talk about ankle purses. Unfortunately (or Fortunately) no one had heard of them. Ankle purses were a look spotted going down the runway of Karl Lagerfeld's Chanel show in October of 2007.
If you can't tell from the picture they are inspired by those oh-so-trendy Alcohol Monitoring Devices that Celebs have been sporting on the runway. Thankfully it appears this trend never caught on.

News to me

2008-05-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

How did I not hear about the Wii Fit until today? Well if someone was trying to hide this from me so I would not start using the Wii, you got another thing coming. If they weren't all sold I would already have one.

Thanks a lot Bad Boys

2008-05-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

So last night I was tormented by terrible nightmares about a pyscho-path student who was on a killing spree shooting up his school campus. When I woke up I was still some-what disturbed by the dream and was wondering what brought it on. Later today I realized it was because I was watching the 1983 movie Bad Boys with Sean Penn. The whole time I was watching the movie I kept thinking how much Sean Penn looked like Dylan Klebold. I give you a side-by-side match-up.

America's Next Top Model is Tyra's Pupet Model Government

2008-05-15T07:43:00.000-07:00

Last night was the season finale of America's Next Top Model and for the first time in ANTM history the winner was a Plus Size model. Now before I start talking smack let me say that the winner Whitney is not really plus size. She is a normal size girl who at most wears a size 8. All I can say is that this season was such a calculated fraud of a cycle.

Over this past year Tyra Banks has been so very outspoken about weight and body issues. I can only imagine it's because for the first time in her life she actually has them. It seems like every time I turn on Tyra she is either crying about people kissing her fat ass, or wearing a red swimsuit with her weight on it, making her celebrity guests tell her how hot she still is, or she pushes her "So What" campaign. (This is where the girl from Boy Meets Girl gathers a mob of women off the street and makes them hold signs that say "So What I have fat ankles". )

Well now she has gone to far. When she deliberately rigs a television modeling reality contest to make a point. Really I could tell by week 6 that these other girls may actually have a chance at a "real" modeling career but, there was no way in hell that they were going to be ANTM. Which I guess is okay because what "real" modeling have any of these past winners ever done. All I can say Tyra is "How dare you!" If I can't trust reality TV to run an true modeling contest who can I trust?

Did some one say Mustaches

2008-05-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

Recent Purchase

2008-05-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

A co-worker and I were recently talking about all Cats seem to have Autism. That night I went on line and ordered this book.

I can't wait until it comes.

Bad week for Austrians

2008-05-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

Even though Ed calls me a German my maiden name "Wiens" a.k.a. "from Vienna" clearly proves I am Austrian. However thanks to this creepy dude I won't be claiming to be Austrian for quite awhile.

If you don't recognize him, he is the creep who locked his 18 year old daughter in home-made dungeon for 24 years. Even worse he father 7 children with her and raised 3 as his own. Even Captain Von Trap signing Edelweiss couldn't shake the shame this week.

REALLY!?

2008-04-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

Really candidates you thought it would be a good political move to deliver a message to the WWE. Really! When you subtract the viewers who are too young to vote, those who can not vote due to incarceration for a felony and those who have never bothered to register you have a less than stellar numbers. But you go ahead , do your thing, show us all your not too proud to disgrace your self with this. But I've got one question for you. Do you smell what Barack is cooking?

Serge channels James?

2008-04-17T00:36:00.001-07:00

I had some work to do late last night and was watching the original Amiytville Horror with James Brolin. While watching it I noticed how much he looks like Serge Tankian. I wonder if any one else notices the similarity. So maybe I will give the Woody /Serge comparisons a break and start the James Brolin / Serge comparisons.

For Adam and Sara

2008-04-14T17:31:00.001-07:00

I saw this on the news last night and my thoughts went to Adam and Sara because of their insane love of pickle juice. Now if the only made an Olive-sickle.

Open Letter to Super Nanny

2008-04-09T21:36:00.001-07:00

Dearest Super Nanny,

I thoroughly enjoy watching you ever week as you demoralize bad American parents and make their snotty bratty kids cry. However whilst, you are in the Colonies it would be best that you adjust your vocabulary so that the dumb Americans and their offspring will understand you.

Just as an example, we pronounce the "th" in words as "thh" not "vf" (ie Mother is not pronounced "Mu-vf-er" nor is Together pronounced "to-ge-vf-er). Also Americans generally call those things, that hold soup and stewed tomatoes at the store, cans not tins. You may confuse young children when asking them if they "want to have a go at it" please ask them if they want a turn. Also when referring to nouns in sentences we usually add a pronoun. So rather than saying "sit here at table", try adding the word "the" to your sentence. It may take some practice but I'm sure you can do it.

Things I like for my nephew's nursery

2008-04-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

My Brother and his wife are having twin boys. They need to get furniture for the nursery but they don't want white or light colored would. I thought these items were cool.

Rocking Chair

These are sheets

Annoy-a-tron Day 1

2008-04-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

It's the Annoy-a-tron's first day out and I placed it near my co-worker on the "low" setting. I just wanted to be subtling annoying but I didn't want them to search for it. Unfortunately it was a total bust because they are both so deaf they didn't notice. Tomorrow I will turn it up louder. Too bad that younger people around me (who were not the intended target) were able to hear it and wondered what it was. BLAH!

My patience has expired

2008-03-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

At Christmas Ed gave me an Annoy-A-Tron.

I had seen this in Think Geek and had vision of using it against my co-workers. However when the Holidays rolled around I was in a jollier mood and decided not to use it until I needed to.

Today is that day. I has only been four hours and their incessant complaining, reading emails aloud (that I just sent them), vocalizing every thought that tumbles across their brain (like the barren prairie) and audible exhales has brought me to the verge of nausea.

Tomorrow I will install it and reveille in reporting all the dysfunction it causes

What I want to buy myself for my birthday

2008-03-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

So my birthday is coming up. I'm a little to old for presents but old enough to start buying myself presents and these are topping my list.

I'm Stuborn

2008-03-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

Just a note I will not be posting again until someone else comments on my Tracy Morgan post. Good or bad but I think it deserves a comment.

That's What I'm Talkin' A bout

2008-03-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

Keinickie finds God (sort of)

2008-03-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

My favorite Celbrity Rehab patient by far this season was Jeff Conaway. I was really bummed when he check out of treatment early. However I found out last night while listening to him on Love Lines that not only is he still with his girlfriend Vikki, he is also sober through the help of Scientology.

According to Conaway, “I’ve been doing Scientology...my doctor was like, 'Holy cow,' he says, 'Whatever you’ve been doing keep doing it because it’s really working.' ”

Conaway says his former Grease co-star John Travolta introduced him to the controversial religion. “John and I stayed friends but he couldn’t watch me going down the tubes…he gave me a whole library of Scientology books and he’s given me an auditor who comes almost every day.”

Conaway, who lost over 40 pounds while participating in VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, tells INSIDE EDITION he can’t wait to get back in front of the camera. “I’m going to be strong and healthy and totally together. I’ve got to get ready for my Academy Award®.”

Bad day for toilets

2008-03-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

Today was a bad new day for toilets. First this morning I hear about the man from Ness City Kanas who was facing charges for allowing his girlfriend to sit on their toilet so long that her body became stuck to the seat. According to the article

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple was among authorities who discovered the woman last month living in the bathroom of a mobile home she shared with her boyfriend, Kory McFarren.
"The house was cluttered but not in shambles," he said. "The smell was overpowering -- a terrible smell about the house, obviously coming from where she was at."

McFarren, 36, told police his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, 35, had a phobia about leaving the bathroom and may not have left the bathroom in two years, although he's unsure how long she was in there.

He said during that time, he brought her food, water, and clean clothes.

"The only thing I am guilty of is I didn't get her help sooner," he told The Associated Press on Thursday.

The sheriff said that judging by the woman's condition -- she had open sores on which the toilet seat would stick -- it appeared she likely sat on the toilet continually for at least a month.

And then there is the story of a 36-year-old woman was arrested this week on suspicion of trespassing after Boulder police said she locked herself in the bathroom of a local Wendy's restaurant with a dead dog stuffed in a duffel bag.

After Wendy Louise Washum, of Aurora, had been locked in the Wendy's restroom for 30 minutes Monday, restaurant employees started complaining of a foul odor, according to Boulder police.

Washum told restaurant employees that she "had something in her teeth from the Frosty she purchased and was trying to clean her teeth," an officer wrote in a police report. "Washum's teeth were primarily yellow, and she stated her teeth were white before she had the the Frosty."

When police officers arrived at the 1965 28th St. restaurant, they persuaded the woman to open the door and discovered she was carrying a large duffel bag with a dead dog inside, police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said.

"The woman began crying and said the dog had been dead for a week, but she believed it would come back to life in 13 (more) days," Huntley said in a statement.

Card-i-can

2008-03-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

So this is the Cardigan that I was wearing when I saw Elenore's Cardigan Meme.

Cap'n Crunch Update

2008-03-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

Well I must say that I was mildly disappointed by the Cap'n Crunch Shake. It didn't have strong enough Cap'n flavor for my taste and the crumbled bits of cereal were an odd texture sensation. However I did wake up at 4:00 am craving another one. Go figure.

To Do List

2008-03-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

This weekend I have to get a few things done so I feel productive. On the top of my list will be trying the Carl's Jr. Cap'n Crunch Milkshake. I'm very intrigued by this shake. This flavor appears to have come out of nowhere (not an established icecream, slurpee or starbucks drink flavor). Cap'n Crunch is one of my favorite cereals but I'm not sure if I'm ready for it in my milkshake. But I'll let you know what I think.

As Requested

2008-03-06T20:21:00.001-08:00

And You Thought Tyra's Life was tough-Rated M for Mature

2008-02-28T20:58:00.000-08:00

Watching America's Next Top Model these last few years has taught me many things. Most importantly that modeling is tough! Over the year I have seen my share of models who had there challenges. However this season no joke one girl has a serious problem. One Model, Fatima is Somalian and she mentioned that she has undergone the process of Female Genital Cutting (FGC). I generally refer to this as Female Genital Mutilation but that is not the Politically Correct Term.

Well I thought I had an idea what FGC entailed but I seen now I was only aware of Type I FGC. It appears there are Three degrees of FGC. I posted a picture below to further disgust you.

Although these pictures are disturbing I was glad to become more aware of the degree of mutilation that occurs to these women. In the case of Fatima, she has Type III and in my readings I learned that married women are excepted to have intercourse, concieve and delievery children in this state. "A reverse infibulation can be performed to allow for sexual intercourse or when undergoing labor, or by female relatives, whose responsibility it is to inspect the wound every few weeks and open it some more if necessary. During childbirth, the enlargement is too small to allow vaginal delivery, and so the infibulation must be opened completely and restored after delivery. Again, the legs are sometimes tied together to allow the wound to heal. When childbirth takes place in a hospital, the surgeons may preserve the infibulation by enlarging the vagina with deep episiotomies. Afterwards, the patient may insist that her vulva be closed again"

So now I hope you are also as disturbed as you are informed.

Tyra Makes a Difference

2008-02-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

Now we all know that Tyra Banks has made it her life's goal to better the world but I was really taken a back this week by her latest act of random kindness. And when I say "random" I mean to say...It makes no sense and leaves me speechless.

Yesterday on Tyra's show she brought on a women who recently underwent gender re-assignment. So Tyra selflessly gave this "new women" a very special gift. What is this gift you ask?

A new house? No
A makeover? No that's too superficial

No Miss Tyra gave this women a wonderfully informative lesson on how to pee with her "new equipment". I tell you this is riveting television and true public service.

Thank You Tyra for all you do and have yet to do.

Why Must You Taunt Me?

2008-02-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

Today I received the new Sundance Catalog and fell in love with these items.

To me the Sundance Catalog is always a mixed blessing. I can always count on it to have at least 50 pages worth of items that I envy and lust after but, alas I don't have an extra 50 grand lying around so that I can live a simple and rustic lifestyle.

Survivor Fans vs. Favorites: A viewers re-cap with some videos

2008-02-08T00:05:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to get my thoughts out to the public before Joel McHale steals them for the “Soup” on Friday.

Here we have Johnny Fair Play’s thoughts about ethics in the game of Survivor and then Mikey B. runs down the playbook for his tribe and gives his tribe mates some not-so-kind nicknames. I wonder what they will call him? So after this “Big Bird” has some awkward exchanges with Nick about his homosexuality and with Tracy about her breast implants. (This video is 7 minutes long but worth it)

Meanwhile over at the Favorites camp it is giant love-fest, which only foreshadows ill things to come.

But wait, it's 18 minutes into the show and we have our first breakdown from Big Bird.

Back at the Favorites camp it seems that before breakfast the tribe has already broken up into foursomes for alliance. They also have both recruited Johnny Fair Play as their 5th. Not a good plan in my book especially since he just tell each alliance what the other alliance says. I say kill the rat. But these guy a stupid and are all jumping at the chance to have this loser in their alliance.

At the end of it my vote goes to Erik for daring to wear his track and field shorts to the island and for throwing dirt on the Favorites during the challenges

What if...

2008-01-29T19:37:00.001-08:00

As I was going to sleep last night I heard the disc jockey musing to himself what would be some of the more minor implications if Hillary was elected President. So it got me thinking. What would we call Hillary and Bill? Madame President and the first Gentleman?? Na, they'll probably go with Madame President and former President.

Also what would Bill do while in the White house? Will he re-decorate? I would like to think so.

Lastly if Hillary is elected I hope Bill wears white gloves and little pillbox hat for photo opts. It would make my day.

Also while I was looking for some pictures of Bill Clinton in a ladies hat I stumbled on to these gems. Enjoy.

Best Movie Weapons a Revision

2008-01-26T23:04:00.000-08:00

I heard through the Grapevine that they recently released a list of the 10 best movie weapons. According to 2000 moviegoers by 20th Century Fox, this is the list of 10 best weapons.

1. Lightsaber (Star Wars)

2. .44 Magnum (Dirty Harry)

3. Bullwhip (Indiana Jones)

4. Samurai sword (Kill Bill)

5. Chainsaw (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

6. Golden Gun (James Bond - The Man With The Golden Gun)

7. Bow and arrow (Robin Hood)

8. Machine gun (Scarface)

9. The Death Star (Star Wars)

10. Bowler hat (James Bond - Goldfinger)

Some of these seem reasonable (Machine Gun, Lightsaber, Chainsaw) but you know me, I've got to add my own. So here are some great movie weapons that I think they missed. Be sure to add yours in the comment box.

1. The Flying Guillotine

I remember this watching Sunday afternoon movies on channel 26

2. The Wolverine aka Weapon X

3. Xenia Ziragavna Onatopp, Famke Janssen character in 007 Golden Eye, with her unique method of assassination - Crushing lovers or foes with her tightly toned thighs.

4. Feddy Krugger's glove

Paula Abdul's Quote of the Night

2008-01-22T20:51:00.000-08:00

"I think your great and real sweet" pause sip Diet Coke "I could just squish you awhh."

Someone get that lady a million dollars pronto.

Breaking News

2008-01-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

I just heard Health Leadger died. I'm too stunned to post. More too come

Oscars Announced

2008-01-22T14:10:00.001-08:00

The Oscars were announced this morning. I've listed some of the noms below. In green I've highlighted the performances I've seen. It looks like I've got a lot of movies to see.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

George Clooney in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)
Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)-Ed says this sucks so I'll skip it.
Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah" (Warner Independent)
Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises" (Focus Features)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

Casey Affleck in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.)-I'm interested to see what Ben's little bro can do besides rob casino's
Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Charlie Wilson's War" (Universal)-I think I've seen every thing this guy can do. I'll skip it.
Hal Holbrook in "Into the Wild" (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)
Tom Wilkinson in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

Performance by an actress in a leading role

Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" Love Elizabeth Love Cate got to see it.
Julie Christie in "Away from Her" (Lionsgate)
Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse)
Laura Linney in "The Savages" -I love Laura Linney I'll try to find this one
Ellen Page in "Juno" (Fox Searchlight)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Cate Blanchett in "I'm Not There" (The Weinstein Company)
Ruby Dee in "American Gangster" (Universal)
Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement" (Focus Features)
Amy Ryan in "Gone Baby Gone" Looks like I need to see this movie
Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton" And this one too

Achievement in directing

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Julian Schnabel
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Jason Reitman
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Tony Gilroy
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Paul Thomas Anderson

Best motion picture of the year

"Atonement" (Focus Features) A Working Title Production: Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production: Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production: Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production: JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers

So I looks like I need to see No Country for Old Men, Michael Clayton, Gone baby gone, Th Savages and Elizabeth the Golden Age. Any one want to join my quest?

A Few Pictures from San Fransico

2008-01-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

On our recent trip to San Fransisco we visited a few places that we have never been before. These pictures are from in and around the Japanese Tea Gardens. The Garden's were beautiful now but it appears they are even more stunning in the Spring and I would like to go back to see them then.

Come OUT and Play

2008-01-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

So what could wake my blog up from it's slumber? Tatiana ? (Almost)

New Lost episodes (not yet). No it's just a Levi's commercial that I saw tonight during commercial before Project Runway. Now I thought I had already seen this ...

Exhibit A

...but wait tonight it's different.

Exhibit B

Nice twist Levi's

Hibernation

2007-10-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

Just like the Black Bear, the coming winter has made me tired and this blog is currently in hibernation. Hope to be back before the spring.

Kid Nation: E4 - Religion takes center stage

2007-10-12T22:37:00.001-07:00