Craptanisty Land

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Mrs. Puddles Diary

I'm not sure if you know this but Mrs. Puddles keeps a diary. Usually it's hidden with the key tucked aways but yesterday tshe got wasted on cat nip I took a peak. Though I would share.

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt
me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once
again vomit on the carpet.


Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what
I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. Fools! There was some sort of assembly
of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary
confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard
that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to
use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow
-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that
the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to
return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to
be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my
every move. My captors have arranged protective
custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...



5 Comments:

Blogger Ann Thrope said...

Monti -

You crack my shit up.

9:55 PM  
Blogger Monticore said...

My dad sent it too me so I can't take credit.

8:00 AM  
Blogger bstigs said...

that is very funny!

2:02 PM  
Blogger wise said...

does your dad sending it to you explain the bird and dog? because i was feeling that maybe you owned the entire building you live in but only let me into the second story.

4:21 PM  
Blogger Monticore said...

I don't own the whole building... Yet!

9:12 PM  

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